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Bardic Compositions

all lyrics / compositions ©2001 JRP ALL rights reserved

Fafnir's Challenge
sung to the tune of "Gangsta / Amish Paradise"
First performed at Ice Follies 2000

As Uber-rites joust in the Shadow of Faf,
I need to ask this question, when was his last bath?
I don't mean to be dissin' I don't mean any harm,
I'm just a little cranky 'cause I want to be warm!
Now once upon a time, I didn't MIND the cold,
but for this freezin' crap, I'm gettin' too damn OLD!

Is it worth a membership price, to be freezing in Fafnir's Follies of Ice?
Wish we had a heating device to stop this freezing in Fafnir's Follies of Ice!
I'd rather see TITANIC twice 'stead of freezing in Fafnir's Follies of Ice!

Now some people might think that the timing is dumb,
since they're a bit upset 'cause their toes have gone numb.
But remember this folks, Faf's a giant of FROST,
and to have "Ice Follies" in July, the meaning gets lost!

Is it worth a membership price, to be freezing in Fafnir's Follies of Ice?
Wish we had a heating device to stop this freezing in Fafnir's Follies of Ice!
I'll need a ton of hot white rice to stop freezing from Fafnir's Follies of Ice!

Now if you go to the beach in the shadow of Faf,
you'll never get a tan, no not even half!
Now don't get me wrong his heart's as big as his girth,
and you'll never find a NICER GIANT on the face of Earth!
Well that does it for me, I don't care if it's short timing
But to tell you the truth, I can't stand anymore rhyming.
And if you just don't like it, don't be mean, don't be crass,
or else I'm gonna haveta get UBER ON YER ASS!!

Is it worth a membership price, to be freezing in Fafnir's Follies of Ice?
Wish we had a heating device to stop this freezing in Fafnir's Follies of Ice!
Even Mr. Rogers wouldn't be nice after freezing in Fafnir's Follies of Ice!
Pig & elephant DNA won't splice, though there's nothing to do with Fafnir's Follies of Ice.

La Vida Uber
first sung at Valintinstag 2000, and dedicated to the Lady Sif as Queen of Love of the day

Tourneys in Downtown Antwerp With swords in a fighting ring!
They strive for combat perfection To serve our Noble King!

We have all kinds of Warriors - Even a Mage or two
Beings of all shapes and sizes - And all will welcome you

You might just get the urge to strip and go swimming in the Rhine
You might incur some shrinkage, but other than that you should be fine
WHAT A SWINGIN' UBER TIME! COME ON!

Wizards, Warriors, Swords! Living La Vida Uber!
List Field Tourneys Rewards! Living La Vida Uber!
The Norns, they weave your fate! Better face it like a trooper!
You will never hate Living La Vida Uber!
Living La Vida Uber! We're living La Vida Uber!

Eternals, Gods & Goddesses Come here to have some fun!
Stellerax will mix you a COLD one To toast when the battle's WON!

There are some who'll even tourney through the Snow or Mud or the Ice!
The Kingdom is well stocked with Ladies, all of whom are VERY nice!
OF VALHALLA, IT'S A SLICE! COME ON!

Wizards, Warriors, Swords! Living La Vida Uber!
List Field Tourneys Rewards! Living La Vida Uber!
The Norns, they weave your fate! Better face it like a trooper!
You will never hate Living La Vida Uber!
Living La Vida Uber! We're living La Vida Uber!

The Kingdom is well stocked with Ladies, all of whom are VERY nice!
You get all of this for one low fee, but it's well worth TRIPLE the price!
OF VALHALLA, IT'S A SLICE! COME ON!

Wizards, Warriors, Swords! Living La Vida Uber!
List Field Tourneys Rewards! Living La Vida Uber!
The Norns, they weave your fate! Better face it like a trooper!
You will never hate Living La Vida Uber!
Living La Vida Uber! We're living La Vida Uber!

Wizards, Warriors, Swords! Living La Vida Uber!
DRAGONS! GIANTS! DWARVES! Living La Vida Uber!
The Norns, they weave your fate! Better face it like a trooper!
You will never hate Living La Vida Uber!
Living La Vida Uber! We're living La Vida Uber!

Spirit Ballad
first sung at Morgendammerung 2000.

Sing ye Bards and Skalds of Yore
Spin this, my tale of Ancient Lore
Though the boughs and the branches be gone
Eternal strength of the roots still carry on.

Though it's true Ygdrassl has been felled
the fire within our breasts has not been quelled
The heinous fiends who tried to destroy
our fighting spirit failed in their ploy.

From the ashes of the old shall rise the new
And our songs shall still ring out just as true
For Uber-Spirit shall never die
Lift your voices and let them fill the sky.

All hail to Siegfried our Lord
Mighty Balmung is his sword.
As we write this new chapter of our story
He shall lead us in perpetual Glory.

Spoken: Let those who seek to do us harm, Pray heed the warning of this, my Song.
Though you may try to crush our spirit, you'll only make it STRONGER and you'd do well to FEAR it.
For the wrath of Uberheim Supreme will strike while you waken, it will haunt you while you dream.
And in the icy darkness of the pits of Hel, is where your damned spirits shall for Eternity dwell.
Sing ye Bards of this Ancient Tale, accompanied by the Cygnus' mournful wail.

Sung:
And now, my Song is almost done
and all within our Kingdom are as one.
Someday all of our sons & our daughters
Will have their own tree to watch over the Rhine Waters.
Sing ye Bards and Skalds of Yore.
Spin this tale of Ancient Lore.
Of a Kingdom called Uberheim
Our star shall forever shine.

Bard's Fall - a poem
first read at Morgendammerung 2000
Come ye Valkyrior, and come choose ye your slain
From those who fell with valor upon this vast blood-soaked plain.
Choose from among them they who shall dwell
In Golden Valhalla, leaving the rest for Hel.
Come ye Daughters of Odin, 'pon steeds swift and pale
End ye the suffering of those 'bout to quit this mortal veil.

Come ye Dwarves, come ye and prepare
Great gold-plated coffers in which their bodies we'll bear.
Mend ye their weapons, afore they are hied
to Golden Valhalla, so they may go with pride.

Come ye Skalds and sing the songs
of the mighty heroes that battled throngs
of Monsters and Dragons in Asgard on high
See now proof of Light's victory, as shadow leaves sky.

Hear now the sorrow of the thunder and rains.
For their master, Mighty Thor no longer remains.
Slain by the Serpent, in the midst of its death pains.

So too, has Fenris the Wolf lost his life,
Sadly not before slaying Mighty Odin and wife.
Who now is left to bear the Gods' pall?
Why, newly-risen Good Balder, whose death STARTED it all!

For when mistletoe dart stopped his heart with a shock,
THAT was the sign that began Ragnarok.
But now he is back, his breathing restarted,
no longer a member of the “Dearly Departed”.

So now Gods and Monsters have left Midgaard to Man,
as ever was prophecy of some vast, Cosmic Plan.
As always, the old must make way for the new.
It happened to thy Fathers, it will happen to You.

Yes, Midgaard has come to a semblance of calm.
Light always wins out, so take sollace and balm.
Just now I wonder, where my humor did go -
Then the sight of bright crimson sparks memory of a blow.
And now as I fade from this plane, as if in a dream,
I pray float to Golden Valhalla and bask in its gleam.

Come ye Valkyrior, come for ME this day
My burden be ended, find me Worthy, I pray.

U2K - A Review of The Uber Year in Song
Sung to the Tune of "Modern Major General"

first performed at Ice Follies - Jotenhien Juggernaut 2001

Here in the land of Uberheim, we do things mythological
And that being the case sometimes things can be quite illogical
I know that Vikings had no knights or system of nobility
But that doesn’t stop our having fun or drown our creativity.
And in composing this new piece I tackle something very hard
And it would be a daunting task for any veteran Uber-Bard
For I have now completed doing what Fafnir asked us to do
Which was to write a song about the year 2000 in review
Which was to write a song about the year 2000 in review
Which was to write a song about the year 2000 in review
Which was to write a song about the year 2000 in uber-review!!

First up was Faf’s ICE FOLLIES which of course was frigid and quite cold
On this day Stellarex took vict’ry and won Spirit Tourney gold
And that night in Siegfried’s Grand Court ‘gainst competition oh so hard
The Populace did witness the birth of the newest Uber-Bard
Next there came Valentinstag with asthetics oh so glorious
A truly grand result from Syn & Saga’s works laborious
And in March Midgaard Madness was not rained out like it was last year
And it was then that Beowulf, Mime & Modgud first appeared
In April Morgendammerung had a tourney of berserker rage
And Hagen truly looked like he was from the Paleolithic Age
Then that night from beyond the grave Stellarex did send forth a page
Which was to name Marlineus as Uberheim’s new Dragon Mage
Which was to name Marlineus as Uberheim’s new Dragon Mage
Which was to name Marlineus as Uberheim’s new Dragon Mage
Which was to name Marlineus as Uberheim’s new Uber-Dragon Mage!!

Next up we had Beltaine which greeted us with a great big surprise
When Rudiger proposed to Syn right there before our wondering eyes
In May there came Thor’s Orgy with Oggles like which we’ve never seen
But we pulled it all together to beat House 3 Skulls with a vict’ry keen!
And on that day Danx got his belt back and out-wrestled John the Bear
The rest of the UWO beat the competition with great savior faire
His Majesty, King Siegfried beat Chief Turk in combat twice of three
Which paved the way for a truly landslide grand Uberheim victory
In June we witnessed the handfast of Hagen to his Lady love
As well as the Kingdom Birthday of which we have very few pictures of
And then July brought Thor’s quest for a challenge-winning champion
Which was spoiled by a storm that washed away the lands that they were camping on (IRONIC, NO?)
But two weeks later we did sally forth and truly persevere
As Rudiger proved to us all he was a champion without peer
At this same time, the Dragon Mage proved for mercy he’d never beg
And thus was born the legend of Vermithrax of the Iron Leg
And thus was born the legend of Vermithrax of the Iron Leg
And thus was born the legend of Vermithrax of the Iron Leg
And thus was born the legend of Vermithrax of the Uber-Iron Leg!!

In August Pennsic came and went and it was time to chill and so
Grand Duke Sir Hagen put forth a challenge to find a new Rambo
And though it was indeed answered by many a strong fellow
It was clearly Mighty Fasolt who did cry the winning "AY YO!!"
Next came September which of course is counted as month number nine
And Good King Siegfried had a beach party that was called Wacht An Rhine
Then came both parts of Prince Sir Thor’s Lands-spanning Known World Uberlurk
Followed by Hellheim’s first event which was pulled off like a masterwork
Rossi’s event had a small but friendly turnout due to weather poor
In November Odin’s Revel had camping in the frigid outdoors
And at Uber-Yule 2000 Twas an auction like we’d never seen
Where Bonesie made the Kingdom coffers overflow with lots o’ green
Where Bonesie made the Kingdom coffers overflow with lots o’ green
Where Bonesie made the Kingdom coffers overflow with lots o’ green
Where Bonesie made the Kingdom coffers overflow with lots & lots o’ green!!

Which now brings us full circle back to Faf’s Ice Follies once again
I hope you liked my effort that flowed from my brain into my pen
I hope you’ll agree I once more answered a challenge that was oh so hard
And that I‘ve INDEED proved myself the model of an UBER BARD!!

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